Preview

Here's a preview of "To Allison F. Frasier."

Enjoy

The Ones with Smiles

                The room is dark and the young boys are pushed into the corners by their own fear. They don’t know what is happening, why it’s happening, or what’s to come. Their fathers disappeared, their mothers were killed in front of their eyes, their sisters raped and burned, and their friends died from hunger and disease. The traumatized boys are all alone and they are scared. What evil will come to devour them?

            One of the boys accidentally moves the loose board covering up the lonely window and sunlight pours into the blackness. First tense, pre-mature muscles fill the room, and then curiosity takes over.

            Little eyes gather around the luminescence. This is when the drought of smiles ceases. The boys sprint out the door laughing and dancing. The heartfelt sun welcomes them out with hugs on their cold skin as their feet splash in the puddles of rain water left behind. Joy is their only emotion. They have completed their goal of survival.

            Survival was their only reason for living. They lost their family. They lost their innocents. They lost the clothes on their backs and the roofs over their heads, but they made it through the dimmest days. Nothing will ever be as bad as what they just overcame.

            Everything is going to be okay. It’s time to celebrate and enjoy what they are given: life. The young ones cuddle and tackle; they play and rejoice.

            Heartbeats can’t keep up with their bare feet running through the tall grass. Freedom comes to mind and they jump, try to fly up to the heavens and kiss their mothers, jump into their father’s arms, and embrace their sisters.

            The sun smiles while watching wounds heal and sicknesses fade. It flies westward across the sky then dives below the greenery.

            A lively fire is warming the sleeping children; the moonlight keeps them under protection. No one knows what will happen tomorrow, but everything will be okay.

They will find a way to rebuild their lives. They have air in their lungs and God in their hearts and that is all they need. They will be remembered as the ones with smiles who made it through the night. They will be the ones who say, “Bring on tomorrow.”

To Allison F. Frasier

yes, it's been a long time since I've posted in my blog. Well, long story short, my ebook, To Allison F. Frasier, will be available on september tenth to all ereaders. Here's the cover page.

love is retarded

I haven't been a lover in quite some time. Yes, I've had boyfriends and yes I did love them, but it's not the same love that I used to know, the love that you dive into blindly and drown yourself in. The love I feel now is more mental; my eyes are clearly open.

I am not thinking that every guy i meet will be the one, in fact, it's mostly the opposite. and when i do meet someone that I "love" i am analyzing our relationship. Can we be together forever? When I see doubt, my being just seems to push them away, give up.

I'm not sure which way to love is better. I think i need to find a medium, but I can't force myself to feel something i don't feel.

Right now, I've kinda, not given up, but put the thought of love aside. I don't want it. I don't want someone to woo me, control me. I don't want to be someone's life. I surely don't want to share a life, and that's my main problem. I like things done my way and i don't care about other people's plans.

Some say that you should look for marriage later on in life, but I’ve always been taught to grab it before your chance goes away.

Now, I just don't care. I could marry if I wanted to, and i think knowing that gives me enough satisfaction. I think I need someone with the same mentality as me. I don't want to live with my lover. I want to marry my friend.

Just thinking on paper.

goodnight.

losing myself

I have lost myself and I'm just broken in peices right now. I guess partof it is that I've just finished high school and I'm starting a whole new adventure and I'm not really sure how to go about doing this.

I don't know if I should just live here with my dad and save money, that was the original plan, or if I should go off and start a new life while I'm still young and what-not. I haven't been myself and its kind of like those awkward middle-school-years when you do all these different things, get into a bunch of different stuff to try to discover yourself. I'm doing the same thing.

I've stopped playing piano like I used to. I now play in a more simple manner and just have fun with it, and it gives me joy, but it's not the same joy and I don't feel as accomplished, but idk. And I've been writing still, and I feel like my story is becoming significantly better, so that's good, but right now, I can't seem to pull everything together... I write before I think, so this blog is going all over the place. I've also started doing something that I've never done. Shop. and I'm not talking about getting a shirt or two every month, which even that is more than what I used to do, but I'm talking about, if i have money, I spend it. It's bad, I know. I honestly have no idea what is wrong with me. I've just become restless, careless, pretty much insane.

Well, just thought I'd document this so I can look back and see how this has gotten me to point B, C, D and all the above. This is deffinately a turning point... I'm scared to find out where this road goes.

P.S. I'm too lazy to edit this. =P

The power of the little things

Magic and dreams I’m so close to reaching that I can taste them and not only that, but savor them: that was my history, and I forgot that until now. It’s funny, you know, how old songs take you back to the place, to the person you used to be when you were the person who loved that song. It is almost like a time capsule; you start to remember parts of your past (both good and bad) that you seemed to forget or hide underneath stacks and stacks of timeline.

In my case, I left that person who I was and forgot about their life because I unmasked what I thought was love and happiness. I couldn’t handle realizing that the world is cruel and dark and it’s never going to get better no matter how many times I try to create my reality world. I couldn’t stand it when I saw the truth. So, I destroyed my whole life and everything around it. In time, I forgot about that world.

Ironically, I look back at that time of my life, and I wish I was there again. I wish that I was back in those shadows, kissing demons, and smiling a naïve, innocent smile while I am being abused. Why do I miss that so much? Because that was before this. This is the aftermath, and it is the complete opposite of the storm.

Well, the demons are still there, but they aren’t the same. I am older and can see through their lies. I can’t get lost in imaginary love. I can’t even imagine myself with anyone forever. So, I stay to myself, rebuke the devil, and turn everyone into a villain.

What I want is to have is that chance to love. I want to be young and in pain because it is much better than being an adult who can’t feel.

All these thoughts, emotions, tears, inspirations hit me just from an unrelated song that I used to listen to back in the day. It just proves that every little thing is significant, and my story just proves that you need to savor every moment (good or bad) because you never know what’s next.

Try this: go through some old music of yours, find a song that you used to love, listen to it, and see if it opens a window to your own past.

Fire, Fire, Fire

Ireland was a great experience, and it was good to have a vacation, but I was looking forward to being home. I was losing my mind being without the comfort of my home and routines... and I was full of stress about things that I haven't been doing. I'm not a good vacationer.

Well, fire came into my world and started taking even more time away. All day yesterday I was at the airport in Chicago because my next flight was already 5 hrs after my landing, and then delay after delay. Thursday was wasted as it ran into the next day.

Friday.
We left the cats here alone for two weeks... the house became destroyed. We cleaned it up, unpacked quickly. Then, I got a new job, destruction of a little extra free time, but it was money which would add up to more time to write in the long run. Things were looking pretty good and I was getting everything back to normal. Then, fire. Literally.

Fire came into the neighborhood and we had to evacuate. We packed up what we just unpacked and we went to the local Target to find out what to do next. While this was going on I managed to break the washer and my dad scrapped his truck. Also, we had to bring the cats with us, so my car is now full of fur due to the kitties' stress of being in the car. And of course, this all happened when I was supposed to be getting ready for my first day of my new job. Well, turns out they had the fire under control and we went back and had to unpack and clean again.

I don't know when peace will be restored, but it needs to happen soon. I need to get back on track with writing. I need to finish Poison for once and for all, I need to perfect my short story, and I need to organize my thoughts so that I can work on new literature.

Somebody, please help put the fire out.

another project to add to the list

I am so excited about this new novel I am working on. I am still working with Poison and my short story, Patient: Michael K. Peters, but this new novel I am working on is also on my list of things to work on.

I am taking this story a lot slower than most things I write. It has been two days and I’ve only written 4 paragraphs. This is a new process of writing that I am trying out. I already wrote a timeline and I’m still working on characterization, themes, and all that good stuff. But as for writing, I write a paragraph and then I read it over and fix things as I read until I read the paragraph 3 times by itself and 3 times with the paragraph before it and don’t stop to make a single change.

I think this is helping me become a better writer. I don’t think that there is a perfect process to writing, but I like and want to try writing in new ways. It exercises different parts of my writing skills.

That is about all I want to say about my novel. I am too proud of what I have accomplished that I cannot risk letting the story fall into another’s hands so I can’t really give anything away. But I can say that this novel ties into Poison. I want all of my novels to be placed into the world I am creating inside of my mind. The stories don’t even tie other then the fact that they happen in the same universe. This is how real life is, and I want that aspect to be a part of my writings.

Well, wish me luck.

Love ya’ll,

Luke-Dakota Massey