Graduation

As much as I hate to, I have to talk about it. Where should I start?

I never cared about graduation; never have and never will, but it does affect me... and it doesn't help that graduation was right by my 19th birthday.

Now I feel like an adult. I wish I could have turned into peter pan and stayed a kid forever. I knew it was coming, but i tried to pretend that it wasn't. I didn't want to be a big kid... at least not now. I planned on having my dreams closer to fulfillment than this. I wanted to have one CD out and have my first novel completely finished. I gave up on becoming a musician, but my novel... is not where I wanted it to be; close, but not there yet.

So I guess that is a disappointment. Also, when i turned 18, i thought everything was over. any goal of having the life I wanted was dead because I was 18 and in those 18 years i have accomplished nothing with significance. I was just too much of myself to be who i wanted to be. Now, I’m 19 and although I own more hope, thanks to a 12th grade English teacher, I feel even more down. one more year and I'll be twenty and once I'm twenty, I feel like my only dating life will be like one of those sickening reality shows... and that is if I even decide to have one.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been doing a lot… but not a big enough percentage of what I have been doing has been to help myself reach my goals.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I tried to not waste my time with "normal" teenage "necessities", I still feel like I’ve wasted too much time on living. Time is short; we cannot afford to ignore that fact.

Fair thee well, nymph. (Quote from “a mid-summer night’s dream”….because I’m ridiculous)

Note to self: Relax

So, I just wrote a loooong post and it was very therapeutic and I think it actually said a lot about me... but because i wrote it to release some of my feelings, I felt kind of drained after writing it and wasn't thinking straight. So, when i tried to post it, i pressed a wrong button and deleted it all =[ it was very upsetting.

i'm not going to vent again. I just want to say relax and don't worry because in the end it doesn't matter what castles fall or what kingdoms are built because you and all of your belongings will be dust.

Relax and just prepare yourself to live and to die. Life here on earth is just a small moment of our lives so don't stress over it.

Good night.

Graduation's a-comin'...

...and I'm not all that excited about it. I'm mainly just excited to get a break from school, but I’m going right into college during the summer. That's why i don't see the point of getting excited; it's basically just like any other year except I’ll be going to a new school. I plan on getting my Bach in English and after, my masters in education. I want to be an English Teacher =]

I was thinking yesterday about how people should get married early before they start their own life because it's hard to bring a new life into a life you already have. It's much easier to just create a life with someone from the start. I think that is why I don't do well with having a boyfriend. I know where I'm going and how I'm going to get there so I don't have the patience to wait for people to find out what they want or to try and make my plans include them.

Anyway, it's just a thought. Now, i have to finish my Theatre final. Wish me luck, bye.

Ramblings on Experiences

About 5 seconds ago, I read a blog from my English teacher. She talked about our project. It was a project where we had two find two songs that define us and do a presentation. It was intense and everybody was crying, and it was just spectacular to have a window into these people's lives.

I struggle with a lot, but i don't talk about my hardships. I feel like lingering on the bad will get you nowhere. For my presentation, I chose "Drown You Out" by Crossfade because I've gone through shit and I've made it out with a whole new attitude. I am who I am because of what I have gone through. I pray that God puts me through so much shit so that I can relate to everyone. I want pain to make me into a better writer who has seen enough things in his life that I can open up other's eyes to true hardships that people face every day.

My only problem with this idea is that I cannot go into detail about what has happened. I've tried and tried to cut open my shell and let pages soak in my own blood, but I feel like I can never do it justice. Perhaps it will come to me later in life, but for now, I write about the small things I’ve experienced like hopelessness in ever finding love, the life of drugs, prostitutes, and drug dealers, loneliness, depression, but things that go much deeper into how I feel, how I saw things, I can't seem to get all my feelings right and placed into an organized tale. I will keep trying though. Wish me luck.

in the merry, merry month of may

So, I finally have a chance to get on here and make a post. Well, things have been busy. The school year is coming to an end and work has just been chaotic. I started writing a short story for a writing contest. I need to make some corrections and after that, i plan on writing another one for the contest. The contest isn't until July. So, i have plenty of time to make sure that each short story is perfect. I plan on writing three so that I have a better chance at winning. I'm going to use the money for college. The prise isn't that much (about $300) but money is money. anything I can get will be helpful. wish me luck.

On another note, I'm excited to go to ireland this summer. I was just looking at the places that I'm going to visit when I'm there. The sites are amazing. i can't wait to expierience it first-hand.

Well, That's it for now. Off to school I go.